


No Fue para Nosotros

by ThotRising



Category: X-Force (Comics)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 00:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21227141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThotRising/pseuds/ThotRising
Summary: Julio's feelings have been cultivating for months. He's had no place to put them because his emotion blind teammate Shatterstar would never return them, yet Shatterstar has arranged and planned a special Halloween trip for just the two of them, or so he thought.Takes place in X-Force time,between the Age of Apocalypse End of the World and the team's Muderworld base being blown up.





	No Fue para Nosotros

**Author's Note:**

> I read Julio as having Tourette's since his shaking in X-Factor mets all the criteria to be a physical tic, and because I have Tourette's.
> 
> This playlist is supposed to pair with the story.
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/darlingsofaheart/playlist/6c8fyxva7DKge2PBrkCWcM?si=R6fVFSZpRn6UsHr-yAbypw

I didn’t celebrate Halloween growing up, and, sure, I’ve gone with Tabs and X-Factor a couple of times, which was fine, but trick-or-treating still didn’t leave enough of an impression to warrant going with the rest of X-Force, especially not at my age. Plus, there’s better ways to spend an afternoon, like alone with some ice cold rocky road.

Cable and Domino had went off doing God knows what, and everyone else was acting like kids for once, making up for years of lost time. This, thankfully, left me with Murderworld almost all to myself, all except for the weirdly quiet Shatterstar.

As if on cue, a muted crash came vaguely from the direction of ‘Star’s room. I brought my bowl of overpriced ice cream with me and sauntered over. ‘Star was fine, but there was only so many new bed frames you could semi-purposefully destroy before it started to get on Cable’s nerves. I knocked on his door, slightly worried still but knowing that ‘Star needed a warning before anyone came into his space.

Shatterstar’s reply came back slowly, the words seeming to get stuck in translation like how they get for me at times. “I am good, Rictor,” a short pause later, “You can come in if you want to.”

‘Star wearing a thoroughly overly packed backpack with pieces of a disassembled tent splayed on the carpet wasn't exactly what I expected to see when entering his room. “Hey ‘Star, where are you going? Running away from this bullshit finally?” I asked with a friendly smirk.

He started to pick up the tent pieces; his long curls flopping over his face, which I thought was cute, and I helped with the pieces closest to me. I’d almost forgotten my own questions, staring at my hand touching his while I had passed the pieces when a,”I’m going to look for the Great Pumpkin, Julio,” startled me back from daydreaming.

“¿Qué? But ‘Star...” It took a second of searching his warm brown star laden face to find sincerity to his words. “Lo siento, but isn’t that the guy from Charlie Brown?”

“Yes.” This can’t end well. “He is,” Ahh! He’s not stopping, “But,” Dios mio there’s a but to this, “We have seen weirder things Julio and almost on a daily basis.”

I open and close my mouth. I mean, he’s right. I can’t just act like Sam’s old girlfriend hadn’t had to leave to an alien planet after her family got killed by flying into the Sun to avoid eating people and other worlds. Or that my dad wasn’t killed by a clone of my current leader who then tried to destroy the world. Or that a lot of things hadn’t tried to destroy the world actually. Yeah, weirder stuff happened all the time. Why couldn’t the weird stuff be happy for once? “‘Star,” I say solemnly, “I think you should try to find him, for all the terror ridden mutant children of the world! To show, that they too, can have fun and don't all have to end up being such pretentious assholes.”

Shatterstar did his fast hand flapping thing that he likes to do when he’s happy.”Do you want to join me, Julio?” 

“Yeah! I finish my ice cream, and we have a deal, dude.” 

He gave me a large beaming smile in exchange for my more playful one. 

Shatterstar was sitting on his bed with his legs bouncing over the side, while I laid sprawled out on the floor, taking up as much space as possible, popping my wrists and fingers in a continuous loop and making an occasional hiss at nothing. ‘Star was recounting what he had gotten Terry for a birthday gift and asking if I had gotten her one yet. He didn't mention my hissing and always gave me time to finish my sentences, like how I tried to give him enough time to work through his emotions and thoughts.

The noises were another reason we spent so much time together. I didn’t like when people talked about my ticcing, and Star’s constant fidgeting made it so he wasn’t very judging of me or vice versa. He made me feel normal, in more ways than one, but the main reason I enjoyed hanging out with Shatterstar was because I liked him; I really did. Most people thought he was heartless or scary, but that’s because they only judged him from passing glimpses and never got to know how caring of a friend he really is, or how warm his hands still felt when we were stuck in a tundra, or how sometimes he sneaks into my room at night to avoid being alone in the dark. He was precious to me as any metal, even if other people couldn’t see that.

I finished my ice cream and helped by carrying out the blankets that didn’t fit into the bag. It was a disorientating walk to the outdoor parking lot, but it always was. The lines and spinning colors on the walls were something my eyes never seemed to adjust to. The place made my head dizzy, feeling overall naeusus, and put ‘Star on an even sharper of an edge. When we got out, the feeling clung stickily to us like stepping in soda soiled popcorn at a carnival, sick in its excessive sweetness. 

We decompressed before heading into the jeep with more popping, some stretches, and ‘Star trying out his breathing exercises, trying to keep his soul tied down to this plane. I sat in the driver’s seat with Shatterstar beside me, backpack next to his legs, and blankets piled on his lap.

“So, you got a plan ‘Star?” I asked while turning the keys into the ignition. 

The sole ‘Star of my eye petted the top blanket, looked around to see that it was just us, than placed his head on it as a pseudo-pillow. “I have a plan to find the Great Pumpkin.”

I watched him continue to play with the blanket while resting on it, his hair pooling beside him and looking like it wanted to overflow to my side. I wish it did too. 

I guess I wasn’t specific enough because he didn’t answer with any more. “¿Cómo vas a hacerlo, pelirrojo?”

“As we know," he started, "The Great Pumpkin only comes to the most sincere pumpkin patch.” 

I nodded. 

“I’ve been observing multiple pumpkin patches around this area within a one hundred mile radius, and have asked many local farmers about any pumpkin patches that they have seen. Using the definition of sincere as ‘proceeding from genuine feelings’, I may have found the most sincere pumpkin patch around. There is a chance that there is a more sincere pumpkin patch elsewhere, but there is also a chance that this one is it.” 

“I think I got it. So, you wanna be the navigator?” I asked while handing him the large deeply creased map that I'd put up in my side's visor. 

“Yes,” taking the map and angling it so that he can see it from his position, appreciating the textured feeling of it. “Thank you. I got you something.” He maneuvered his free hand from on top of the blankets, to his pocket, to mine, and then back where it started. 

I looked a the blocky black mixtape he'd given me with wonder and popped it into the stereo. I was finally pulling out of the garage when "Macho Man" fumbled out of my speakers. I almost crashed into ‘Berto's car. This has got to be a joke.

Star looked at me for an explanation but gave me one instead, “It reminds me of you. They all do.”

“‘Star,” I paused, lost for words, “Okay, thanks.” I’m not sure what he wanted me to say, but he seemed happy at that answer. And I got back on trying to get out of the garage, heart pulsing.

Was I that obvious? Am I so transparent that an alien who hasn't even been on Earth for a year can still see behind my lies? Could it just be a coincidence, and the world having another laugh at my expense again? I try so hard to hide it, but that’s not enough apparently. It'd be just my luck if he had figured it out, but I know if ‘Star did mean anything by it, it wouldn't be negative, at least I hope not. My grip on the wheel turned tight; it buzzed from my stress.

I quieted my thoughts and focused on the road and the sound of Star's voice guiding us to adventure. It was going so smoothly, that is, until the second song came on:”Ain't No Mountain High Enough”. My eyes went wide for only a second, and the car swerved only a little, this time, before I got its true meaning, that ‘Star would do anything for me, which isn't romantic at all, not really. Just best friends being friends, when you think of it that way. Definitely not gay. Can aliens even be gay?

I couldn't tell if ‘Star had noticed my initial reaction or current internal freak out. He'd shifted to alternating between staring out the window, eyeing his map, and taking occasional glances at me. All this movement, and he still seemed so peaceful but in an excited sort of way that only he could pull off.

The Marvin Gaye song ended too soon, and the first notes of a song I hadn't heard before started to play. The words started, “Mutual attraction”. It repeated. The lyrics came, and it didn't stop being so suggestive, “Just me for you and you for me,” and mentions of “Electricity”. I kept my eyes glued on the road, my face running hot.

“And turn on the right. Now we are here!” 

I parked and put my head down on the cool steering wheel. 

“Are you okay Julio?” Shatterstar peered worriedly at me while the song kept on playing.

“Um,” Think fast Julio! I sat back upright, schooling my face into something hopefully less confusing to the 'less' emotions understanding teen. “I'm good, dude, I just got motion sick.” You're a living earthquake Julio! Motion can't get you motion sick. “Just too much driving in one sitting for me.”

Shatterstar stared at me for a few agonizingly long seconds then accepted my answer, “Ah, I apologize, Rictor. I did not know. I can drive back if you would like.”

“Thanks ‘Star, but I would rather be a little queasy than not make it back it one piece, no offence of course.”

‘Star put a hand to his mouth in mock pain and shock, “I'll have you know that I'm getting better at driving, Julio. I believe that I'm about on par with Tabby for following the 'safety' laws now.”

“That’s not exactly reassuring, ‘Star, and I'm sure you are man. Tell you what, I promise you can drive me around some other day.” 

He said, “Okay,” and we got out the car. It's 7 pm, and the sun's been down, but we brought flashlights and extra batteries, so it doesn't matter much. Plus, I'm pretty sure that Shatterstar has cat eyes and can see in the dark.

“‘Star, can't you see in the dark?”

“Yes, I can.”

“Cool.”

We kept on walking, with me following close behind him, around a fence covered in vines, and then I see it, a small patch of land covered in big and small, round and lopsided, but most of all well loved and cared for pumpkins. I fall to my knees and scape my hands through the soil, breathing in the peace of the place. The dirt radiated to me an echo of how's it's been treated, and I had to lie down and needed to tic scream a couple of times from the simple earthiness of it all, so I did.

‘Star uncovered his ears and smiled, ”See? It is sincere.”

“Tú lo has dicho,” I said, still lying in the dirt. The waves of love from the Earth still overpowering me, ticcing not calming at all yet. ‘Star found a clear patch next to me and sat down humming. It was all so peaceful. “Gracias.”

Eventually, I could get up. “Ven pelirrojo, let’s set up camp.” I got up first and helped ‘Star to his feet, not that he needed it. And I didn’t let go of his hand until I had to either, unfolding from him only to get the tent ready.

The tent was small but temperamental, and we had already brought enough personality with us as it was. The directions were the kind with no words, choosing instead small, grainy, unhelpful pictures. The labels were hard to find, and many were missing. And when we did finish, I’m pretty sure that we had a leftover piece, but it did stand on its own and seemed solid enough for a night.

I dramatically gestured to the opening flap,”Would you like to do the honor Shatterstar?”

He looked it over thoughtfully,”Well, then there. I think we’ll take it for the summer.” he crouched in a round in the precarious tent, “Would you like to rent it or are you more in the mood to buy, dear?” he asked in a funny voice, looking at me expectantly.

I caught on. We’d just watched a Jimmy Dean marathon last week,“You decide darling.” And crawled in,“This isn’t exactly what I’d expect a $3000 place to look like Shatty,” wrinkling my nose at it.

“Yes, but any place with you has to be better than if you weren’t there.” He shifted to grab one of the blankets we’d placed down and wrapped himself with it, sitting by the edge.

I bit back my heart,”Same for you ‘Star,” and sat next to him. 

"Want my jacket? It's warm," he asked while offering some of his blanket. It’d be rude to decline, so I accepted it. 

“Hey, ‘Star, can I lean on you?”

“Yes, you may.” I put my head on his shoulder, and he started to hum again; my heart raced. After a couple of minutes, he placed his head on top of mine.“Please keep your eye out for the Great Pumpkin, Julio. I'm not going to fall asleep, but the more people watching the better.” I don’t think me watching would help much, cat eyes and all, but I’m pretty sure that he didn't want to be left alone, not that he would ever admit it.

“Sure thing ‘Star. I'll stay up for as long as I can,” I snuggled into him. (“You're warm ‘Star. It’s freezing out here.”) His braids were flying in the frigid wind, so I tucked and secured them behind his ears. He laughed when one fell back down.

We had our flashlights out and waved them at the pumpkins, waiting for some excitement and maybe miracles to happen. The moon’s light reached what we could not, adding a glowing feeling that anything could happen that evening. We were prepared as could be when dealing with cartoon mascots.

“Wait, ‘Star. What is the guy going to look like?” wondering if either of us had planned this far.

“Well, the Great Pumpkin has never actually been seen, but it seems like one of those things that you would recognize if you saw it,” Shatterstar answered with vague, almost apologetic hand gestures.

“Really? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see then,” I said with a resigned sigh while my side of the blanket had started to slip off.

It was going to be a long night, and the mixtape that ‘Star had given me was still stressing me. I haven't even heard the whole thing, and yet the songs I have heard made it sound like ‘Star liked me or something. Mr. Doesn't-Have-Emotions-Who-Girls-All-Seem-To-Fall-In-Love-With liking me? He must’ve misread the songs, that or I’m overthinking it and turning it into something that it isn't, like my panic of using the open shower room with the rest of the X-Force guys.

My half of the blanket finally fell all the way, and ‘Star picked it up, tugging it gently over my shoulder, carefully tucking it around my arm and making sure it would stay this time. He glanced my face over for a much too brief lingering moment and went back to staring out into the pumpkin patch.

“Julio, I have something to tell you,” ‘Star stage whispered, uncertainty coating his voice.

This is it Tebo, the moment you've both wished for and dreaded. The second that this unspoken thing between us gets said and everything changes. Can our bond live through that? Can I?

I drew a shaky breath, afraid this could be the beginning of end of the delicate thing we have,”Yes, ‘Star?” 

“Really it's two things. They don't have much to with each other, but both are important.” He let out a pause that seemed to last forever, and then a troubled hum. 

I fumbled my fingers around his,"Dude, it's going to be okay whatever it is. I promise.” I hoped more than anything that I was being truthful, for both our sakes. ‘Star ignored the slight shaking in my hands and seemed almost comforted by it.

He nodded and continued, “I don't have what Earth sees as the appropriate genitalia for my gender. I'm transgender.”

I blinked, and that other secret I had hidden away came out my mouth, “Me too, Shatterstar. No te preocupes. Not with me, at least. I mean what happened when my powers emerged wasn't the only reason I ran away from home, the main one sí but not the only one,” I trailed off, thinking of back then. How I hastingly cut my hair short, still shaking from the wails and screams that barely stopped, from the sirens and the dusty air that was still there, and from the news reports and death tolls that were soon to come. How I got to grow up while so many couldn't because of what I did, and- And I was getting lost to my long held guilt, but 'Star squeezed my hand some and brought me back to the here and now. I squeezed his back as if it was my lifeline.

“It's good that we are not alone in this then,” ‘Star said confidently, as if all we needed was us in this battle against the world, but with him it seemed we could be alright in the end. 

“In Mojoworld it didn't matter as much, not because they are accepting of such things, but since they only take our dna to make more of us. I was seen as an anomaly to them, but one doesn't care that a dog has two different colored eyes if it can still fight,” he said, his voice taking that hard edge that Mojoworld always seemed to bring out, as if even his voice wanted to fight it.

“I'm sorry, ‘Star,” I said while rubbing his fingers, trying to put some warmth back into them and his soul.

“It's fine,” he says distantly, then changed to a to a determined tone,”I will make peace with it someday, as will you with your nightmares and dayscares.” He held my hand firmly and said it like an easy promise and a natural truth of the universe.

I looked at my hand in his and tried to treasure this moment forever,”I think you've seen a few too many lifetime movies lately Shatty, but thank you. I think I needed to hear someone say that.”

Shatterstar didn't react to what I said and instead went stiff, staring out into the distance. His eyes narrowed, and he started to stand, his large frame having to angle outside of the tent. Confirmation washed over his face, and he took a quarter turn towards me, leaned down and over and said, “I see the Great Pumpkin.” 

I followed his line of sight and oddly enough found a floating orange glowing head that was coming closer to us. “Hijo de su madre, es él. He's actually real.”

I wasn't sure what I was looking at exactly, but it was on fire and seemed Halloweenish enough. ‘Star helped out by giving a more full description of the aforementioned holiday mascot. “The Great Pumpkin is wearing a leather jacket.” 

“Seems legit. Should we, you know, get up?”

‘Star was still crouching beside me, “I believe if we stay here, he'll meet us soon enough.” So we waited for him and watched.

The Great Pumpkin came in a decent, consistent speed. The sound of forage crunching under heavy boots was the only thing heard besides the quiet flicking of his apparent lit head. I held my breath nervously in, and in not too long he was right in front of us, towering over our bent and sitting forms.

“Hello children. Have you two seen a man carrying a pumpkin around?” asked the nightmare with its skull on fire in a heavy gritty, almost tired voice. He was near as tall as Shatterstar and covered in spikes, chains, and leather that made my old punk getup look drab.

“Um hello,” ‘Star said, words almost spilling out of him, “We have not, Great Pumpkin, lord.” 

“That is fine,child. I see that you two are just and prepared to fight,” he said while gesturing to ‘Star’s other constant companions, the swords, poking out of his backpack, and pointed his fingers towards us or maybe our souls, “Would you two like to help me catch a thief and heart corrupted bigot? He should be little problem, but I understand if you chose to not join.” 

‘Star looks to me and I nod. We wanted to find the Great Pumpkin, and we did. It’d be a waste to just let him leave and not help him get whoever he was after. “Yeah we’ll help, but aren’t you supposed to give us candy or something?”

“Maybe the real treat is the friends we’ve made along the way?” ‘Star questioned offhandedly and shrugged.

The Great Pumpkin considers us both, “I don't have any, but the woman whose pumpkin was stolen’s house had many sweets, and in fact is planning to turn the stolen pumpkin into a pie.”

Shatterstar made a thoughtful hum and asked, “Would that woman happen to be Janice Gray, the kind woman who owns this pumpkin patch?”

The Great Pumpkin nodded a yes.

“Let's go and not waste any more time talking then,” ‘Star said, straightening himself out, then lifting me to my feet, and turning away in a run. The Great Pumpkin and I followed, matching his pace.

We ran to the house in the front, checking the large bushes around the place by using our flashlights. The Great Pumpkin chose to use himself as a lightsource and opted out on the flashlights. I was searching behind some shaped hedges by him when I asked, "So, what did this thief guy do?”

The Great Pumpkin didn't stop his work to talk to me, but something of his aura felt directed at me at beyond a physical level as he spoke,”The man defaced and destroyed a woman's windows, then stole one of her prized possessions in order to further the pain he sought to make. He did it all, and tried to do worse, to fabricate the hate he had in his heart into action and to prove that no one cared by getting away with it. But that is not what we're going to let come to pass.”

I didn't know how to respond but uttered a small “Oh. Okay,” just to say something.

Shatterstar, who was working on the other side of the yard, came to us and declared,” There is no one here. Let's move on.” I knew he heard the whole conversation.

“Wait!” yelled a voice coming from the house that we were about to leave. I turned back and saw a short woman with pinned up braids holding a bat coming out of the doorway towards us. “You didn’t think you would leave without me, did you?”

“Janice Gray!?” asked a startled Great Pumpkin, “What are you doing here?”

Janice finished her trek over to us and said,”I want in on your ‘Vengeance’ trip.”

“That’s not… That’s not how we usually do this,” the Great Pumpkin said, seeming at a genuine loss.”The innocent… they shouldn’t be put into any more of harm’s risk.”

“You’ve got back up now though,” she gestured to us, “And I don’t know the other guy, or you really, but Shatterstar wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me.” 'Star gave a thumbs up at that at that,”And I have this,” she patted the bat,”I’ll be fine, just let me have this.”

“I…” the Great Pumpkin appeared conflicted despite his lack of flesh,”I suppose the innocent can take part in their own vengeance. I apologize, I am still new at this.” 

“That’s alright, thanks for letting me join.”

"It will not be sightly," the Great Pumpkin warned for the last time, but it only made Janice seem more confident in her plan.

We continued down the street, flashlights being very helpful, and on the second to last house we heard fast footsteps in the shadows. ‘Star pointed out to me where the culprit was hiding, and I formed a wall around him, imprisoning him. We crowded to the thief, seeing his face fall paperwhite; he started to hyperventilate. Janice hit him over the head with her bat. He crumpled over as much as he could being boxed in. 

‘Star lifted his head up and put his swords to his neck while the Great Pumpkin bent over just to the theif's eye level; the Pumpkin's eyes leaking out fire and an unearthly smoke. Janice and I stood in the back, my arms crossed and trying to dare him to try to escape with my glare alone, while she hit the bat against her palm in warning. 

“Why did you steal this pumpkin from Janice Gray and smash her windows, thief?” the Great Pumpkin boomed out.

The fear disappeared off of his face, and an ugly bright red color replaced it. “That little queer deserved it. I let her off easy.” Realisation hit me about what this was all about, and I flinched before I could stop myself.

‘Star pressed swords to his neck harder and said “You won't talk about Janice like that or you won't talk at all.” I made his prison increasingly tight, and fear returned to his eyes once he realized that his actions have deadly consequences.

“I didn't mean it,” he started to beg.

“Then why did you do it a-hole? Couldn’t handle a lesbian wining the county fair every year. Decided attacking her house and taking her stuff the night before was a good idea? You’re so fucking stupid, Randy. And now you’re going to be dead.”

"You can't kill me you'll go to-"

The Great Pumpkin cut him off, “The time for pleading is over. And now you will feel what it's like to receive your own hatred and all the pain you have caused others from it for the rest of your existence.” 

The Great Pumpkin stared into his eyes, and the thief started to scream agony. He held his face to force him to look back into scorching flames. A second later, the Great Pumpkin’s eyes were steaming, and he threw the thief's head back down, apparently done with the painful ritual. It almost looked like Randy' s brain had been melting and started to overflow past his teeth. I let him out of his rock prison, and the thief wouldn't stop screaming past the foam.

The Great Pumpkin started to walk back to the pumpkin patch, his never tiring step leaving us behind. Shatterstar stood by the house's fence, bloodlust quenched by whatever the Great Pumpkin had done. I was still watching the criminal, him banging his head against the house for a relief that would never come, a mercy he'd never get. I hadn't known what GP was talking about earlier when he had described him, but knowing why and what he did it and seeing him like that felt good; it was a sort of salve that people like us who get constantly treated as shit got some vengeance for once. People like us? When’d that start, Julio?

Janice stood silently beside the man and didn't say anything, until Randy banged his head so many times that he'd broken his nose but kept on doing it anyways. She laughed at that and kicked him in the gut. He keeled over and his vomit mixed with the blood. She left after that, still laughing.

I crouched closer to him as he regained his breath. He looked at me like I was an angel granting mercy. I made my hands into a fake gun and aimed it like I had to hundreds of others. He flinched. I let the moment hang. I let it hang, and let the sweat on his face become clammy and cold before saying boom and getting up. Whatever the Great Pumpkin had done to him was permanent enough of a punishment.

‘Star was still waiting and walked silently beside me while I left for Janice's house. He kept getting closer to the point where I could hear how much more even his breathing was now from before the 'fight'. Mine's was going in the opposite direction; the crisp air amplifying my very human adrenaline and having no where to put it except forcing it to stay dormant besides some ticcing in the hands.

The Great Pumpkin was already at the door by the time we got there and so was Janice, looking tired. Her face lit up when she saw Shatterstar though. “Come in! Come in,” she rushed us into the door, rushed us past the piled up glass waiting to be thrown away, and into a safe warm bedroom. We filled her bed sitting on the edge of it while the Great Pumpkin sat on a chair pointing towards us but still at a distance. 

“Are you alright Janice Gray?” the Great Pumpkin asked.

We looked to her, and she played with her rings before saying,”I'm better off than if you hadn't been here. I think you've given me some closure. I mean I've had much better days, but you saved me, and look you brought my friend here too,” shaking Star's shoulder for emphasis. She let him go and let out a sad laugh, “I guess they’re wrong about what they say about you Ghost Rider.” 

“They're wrong about what they say about many people, Janice Gray,” said the melcanoic skeleton.

Hey! Wait, what? “Ghost Rider? You're Ghost Rider?” I blurt out, legs ticcing from all the excitement. I looked to Shatterstar to see if he was just as shocked, but he'd just put a blank face over whatever he was feeling.

“I am,” said the skeleton man.

“Why did you pretend to be the Great Pumpkin then?” ‘Star asked, hand on the hilt of one of his swords.

“It was nice to not have people afraid of me for my appearance. I apologize, but we should be focusing on Janice Gray.”

“Why,” ‘Star asked,”Should I let you talk to Janice when you have been lying about your identity?”

“He can talk to me, Shatterstar. That man saved me, and you always say that actions speak louder than words. Don't you?”

“Well, I do say that,” ‘Star trailed off, pouting somewhat.

“And this is my house. So, did you get my pumpkin home okay?”

Fekt*! Mierda! Shit! I forgot all about the pumpkin. And I know ‘Star did too. We share a look of panic, before Great- I mean fucking Ghost Rider picks it up from where he placed it on the carpet, “It's in good condition.” 

“At least something is in this nightmare day.” She held it close to her chest and let out a sigh of relief. “When I was younger I would've said it was my fault for dressing how I do and then joining and winning the county fair every year. I would've given so many small personality tweaks I could have changed about how I act or dress that would have gotten me out of this. But it's not my fault, and my life is good and worth it all,” tears filled her face for the first time during the whole time we had been with her. ‘Star patted her shoulder, and I got her a tissue from the side of her bed. 

“Sorry,” she said while wiping her face, “I was mostly talking to myself, and I got carried away.”

I hadn't really said anything till now, but it felt wrong to just be quiet,”It's okay. You do whatever you need to do. And if you want I can still go and scramble that guy's brains for you. He can't be too far."

She laughed some,"Thanks, but no thanks. And you are?”

“Rictor or Julio. Either one," feeling she earned the right to my personal name.

“Ooh,” and she stayed quiet for a beat, eyes flicking to Shatterstar, “Nice to meet you.”

"Igualmente," I replied and shook her hand.

We all stayed like that for a while. Janice sniffling, ‘Star patting her shoulder and talking to her, Ghost Rider making the whole room cozy, and me trying my best to process and to not intrude. 

I'm glad that we were here and were able to help. I wonder how many superheroes would help with this sort of thing. I mean Beast helped me get hormones and all of that, but I don't know so many other heroes that well. And then I wonder what could have happened if we weren't here, and if Ghost Rider was busy doing something else, and us two had just stayed at home. I feel bile and panic rise up my stomach and grip the covers to force it to stay down. My breathing was still too loud and the room was starting to get too warm. I had to hold it in, this wasn't about me no matter how close to home it hit.

It at least was nice to see that 'Star had ended up making friends off of the team though.

After a while, Janice said,"I think I'm okay now. I just want to sleep," with a strained voice,”Y'all are welcome to come back any other time, but I just need to be alone.”

“You still have X-Force's number to call us if anything else happens?” ‘Star asked.

She nodded and gave us all hugs before shooing us out of her room. We stood awkwardly in the hallway before ‘Star took us out to the backdoor and back into the pumpkin patch. Which we were just at earlier tonight, not even two hours ago? I'm lost. So lost.

“I apologize again for misleading you both,” said Ghost Rider standing next to the closed door.

“You shouldn't have lied to us, but I forgive you. I'm a mutant. I can understand not wanting people being afraid of you for a second, and you seem like a decent person too," I told the demonic looking spirit.

“I… thank you," he bowed his head some and stared at us again with his missing eyes. "I would like to tell you two children something important,” a short pause, "That loving someone shouldn't be a crime. No one deserves to die for loving who they love," he ended what he said staring at his hands, like he was half remembering something that was just on the tip of his tongue. He caught himself and focused his sympathetic gaze on us again,"We are all people. Do not forget that." 

"Yeah," I said, trying to ignore the subtext of what he was saying about us. I'd rather have this vague support than ruin it finding out that he wasn't talking about what I thought he was. It was nice thought though.

"You 'beat the nail on the head' with that one," 'Star said, but I was too tired to correct him this time and for some reason doubted that Ghost Rider would even understand it better if I did, so I just waved him off as he left to go retrieve his bike from the gate he had hid it by instead and watched him leave.

Then we were all alone again. 

The stress of the day and whatever Ghost Rider's speech was got to me, and I was beginning to cry tears that were a mixture of angry, sad, and straight up exhaustion and started throwing my hands inwards and outwards from all of it, feeling like a freak for doing it all in public, and that made everything worse. I felt so lonely.

"‘Star,” my voice broke, and I didn't know how to ask for something that I didn't even know I needed. I just wanted, needed, something. He stood in front of me, still crazy tall and almost a miracle, and stroked the running tears gently off of my face, taking the time to clean it all up and rub my checks with his thumb while using his other hand to pinch my right shoulder for a second and then messaged the point, calming me and my tics down quickly. I closed my eyes and lived in his hands touching me and the rare gentleness that 'Star seem to save for only those close to him. I might have been asleep on my feet when 'Star took my hand and lead me back towards the tent.

He sat down and didn't let go of my hand this time. I sat next to him and let out a small involuntary hiss. I hated myself for doing that in front of him. I hated the mutiny of my own mouth. 

Shatterstar looked at my sorry shivering self like I was the world and asked, “Are you okay, Julio?”

“I-," I couldn't get the words out so tried again,"I don't know honestly. I felt great after we beat the shit out of that guy, but now I'm just very confused. And angry?" No that wasn't right. "Not angry but something like it." I flexed my hands in front of me, trying to grasp at the nameless feeling.

'Star nodded after every thing I'd said,“Emotions can be very hard to understand, especially when you are conflicted about them. I sympathize immensely, Ric’."

"Please don't call me that now, man." I didn't understand why, but it didn't feel like the place for that nickname.

"Alright, Julio," much better, "Let's try working out your emotions. I'll ask you what you tend to ask me, if that is okay?"

I nodded, still shivering.

'Star zipped up the tent before continuing, and covered us in our blanket from earlier. "First, when did you first start feeling what you're feeling?"

I could lie, but I don't want to at this point,"When we first got into the car I felt weird, when the music started playing."

Hurt struck his face like lightning but left it just as quickly. "I see. What about it made you feel 'weird', and what type of 'weird' is it?"

I regretted saying what I did, having effectively knifed our delicate thing to death and buried it with a steam roller. But I couldn't stop myself from placing its tombstone," It might be weird, but I've been stressing over what you think of me 'Star." I gave a nervous laugh,"I feel weird like the world is spinning too fast for me to keep up. Why can't it just stay in one place?"

'Star inched his way closer to me, correctly guessing that body to body contact would calm me some like it did earlier and stage whispered, "Julio, I could never think anything bad of you. Do not worry about it," right next to my ear.

"That's not what I meant but thanks," and I closed up on myself, afraid that he'd not be so nice when it came to how I actually feel about him.

'Star sat back too, clearly lost in the layers of my convoluted bullshit. God, why couldn't I make it easier? Always stuck being an asshole for no reason. 'Star's not one to give up at a challenge though. "If that is not it," he trailed off, "You said when I played the music," he paused, froze almost, and I had to stop pressing my eyes shut to make sure he hadn't died on me. He hadn't, but he did hold up a single finger, telling me to give him a minute, and rushed out our tent.

I was really alone this time but with a promise that it wouldn't be for long. In my solitary, through the opening of the tent that 'Star had left, I dragged my hand along the soil like it was the ocean. I stared up at the moon and felt a dull distanced connection to it in comparison to its mother, but the pull that was there was still potent enough that I could feel it's longing for itself going back to the planet again and to become whole once more through the bond of burning magma. I considered answering its sad cry and crashing the two together but pushed the all too familiar loneliness out of my head. Exasperation overtook me for being able to relate more to celestial bodies than those of other people and for even considering injuring innocent people with my powers again. I wanted to cry for the hundredth time today, for the moon, myself, and the lonely lives we'd been marooned into. But before I could give my tears’ dominion, Shatterstar had already came back, so I tried to repossess myself. I managed to with the loss of my hand's movements; it freezing dead in a mocking play of my heart.

'Star was digging in the backpack and hadn't noticed me falling apart, at least not yet. He pulled out a silvery walkman from a side pocket with a pair of headphones, and carefully he put the tape from earlier into it and went to crouch down with me. He stared at me, cupped his free hand on my check, and used his thumb to feel my breath before letting go. My heart had a restart, rushing oxygen to my still fragile nervous system. 'Star then put his hand above my hair, pausing before reaching it and fanning his fingers out to gently bring my long hair to one side. I heard myself sigh. I could hardly think; he'd never touched my hair before.

He sat then, with his legs parallel to mine and face getting ever closer to my own. I closed my eyes and waited. And then 'Star put one earbud in my ear and the other in his. Ah, that explained the closeness, except for the fact that he could have just sat next to me and not had his lips inches away from mine. 

My hands were bullying me and dead at the moment, so I didn't even have the chance to force myself to not touch the flaming licks of his twirling hair, and I think 'Star had gone to the state where he didn't really talk, but his hands were working still, so he pressed play.

Into my speakers played a jazzy tune, and it sounded old timey, which is a surprising thing when coming from someone from about a century from now. The slow lyrics started up quickly, “We were strangers in the starlight. Two hearts passing in the night,” it sang like a lullaby, and I could feel it balming the frigid whatever in my heart. “Then you whispered ‘Please don't leave me,’” it went on, and ‘Star was staring at me again. “And I whispered ‘hold me tight’”. He continued his stare, allowing his look to have longing. The music repeated it's lyrics over again, and ‘Star's eyes never lost their weight, with the shadows falling on him only highlighting their heavy glint. I was being pulled into that blissful abyss, leaning closer towards the man that I was sure I loved.

The song was coming to an end, and I didn't want the daydream to end too, so I paused it and told 'Star and his longing eyes, "You can hold my hands. They're not working right now, but I'd like it, Shatterstar." He brought his hands to mine on the ground and leaned into my shoulder. It was nice being held in a way that I could be. We stayed like that for a long time, with no pseudo demons or fake holiday mascots interrupting us this time. Eventually my hand's thawed out and were under my control again; estaba en tranquilidad.

“‘Star, what's the other thing you wanted to tell me earlier?” I asked, scared and full of pauses, but asked.

Shatterstar sat quietly, except for a nervous tapping on the side of the tent. He never used a word thoughtlessly, and I appreciated that, but the time waiting for him to say anything was heart wrenching. He opened his mouth but thought better of it. He did it again and let it hang there this time. Crickets chirped, a dog howled, but he stayed quiet. I stared this time, waiting for a safety net to preserve my feelings, or anything now. I'd take it if he told me that he hated my guts and wanted to go elope with Tabby as long as he said something. He looked down instead and clicked back on the music. The final notes of the last song died down, giving way to something very different. 

“I'm not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of love. But to you I gave my affection right from the start,” though almost all of the songs that Shatterstar gave me were about love, this one made it sound concrete, convinced me that we weren't just something I made up between sob sessions to feel less alone. I wanted to see ‘Star’s reaction and saw him shaking with his face down, trying to look smaller and less there then he was. I hovered my hands over the ones he had retracted, and he grabbed them back for comfort.

The song seemed to jump over a part and into the next, which I guess was a touch ‘Star made to it, and as if he heard my thoughts, he said, “I don't have words of my own, so I stole the ones I needed,” with his head moving up to face me.

“Yet still you get my attention,” the singer continued. Shatterstar forced his eyes closed so hard it hurt to watch. “Why do you come here when you know I've got troubles enough”

He started to bite his own finger of his left hand. “Please don't ‘Star. It's okay,” I begged, trying to take his hand out as gently as possible. He listened, but a soon to be healed cut had already formed. “Here, lemme get you a bandaid," and started to dig one out from his backpack. 

“Why do you call me when you know I can't answer the phone”

“I don't want to cry,” ‘Star said while I was bandaging him up, not even protesting that he didn't need it.

“It's okay to cry, ‘Star. Shit, I cry all the time.”

“Make me lie when I don't want to”

“But that is in private where no one else can see," he said in a small raw voice.

“You make me stay when I should not”

“There's no one else here but me, ‘Star," I whispered, trying not to cry too.

“Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?”

He opened his watery red stained eyes and looked at me still with uncertainty. 

“Why do you come here and pretend to be just passing by”

“I promise I will never ever tell anyone about it. I swear on my life, 'Star."

“But I mean to see you”

He croaked out a small okay and crashed into me, wrapping his arms around me a little too tight to be comfortable. "I love you, Julio. You taught me what the word means."

“And I mean to hold you, tightly.”

I wrapped my arms around him too, let his hot tears flood my shirt, and kissed the burning flames at his temple. “I love you too, Shatterstar. How other people could react scares me, but you never have and never could. I'm no good at love or words either, but I said that we'll figure it out together, and I meant that.” I moved one hand to stroke his hair and made the still hand on his shoulder pulse out a low level vibe to help him relax. 

He started to hum again, and after a while managed to speak, "I would learn anything if I could be with you," right into my chest.

My own up emotions got the best of me, and the ground started to shake at the drop of my tears. 'Star just held me tighter while stroking my back, not screaming at me to stop how most people react. I calmed my breathing and soon only the tears remained, "'Star- Shit, I'm sorry," and wiped my still weeping face.

"You did not hurt anybody," he said while letting go of my abdomen and going to equal eye level to me. "Are you okay?" he asked for the second time tonight.

I couldn't lie,"No. But it isn't because of you. I never thought a guy would like me back, so I'd never have to deal with being gay.” I gasped for air in this now too small tent,“I managed to pretend for such a long time, but I can't. I-" I lost my words and was surprised I'd even be able to say that much.

"-want more, to feel normal?" 'Star supplied. 

I nodded, face more red than wet now. 

"I can understand that. I don't understand human customs, and people treat me different because of it. I try to copy how they act and speak, but me and them never line up completely, and they can tell. I can tell, but I can't figure out why."

I saw his face go through an emotional journey that I realize a lot of people would have missed. The subtleties he allows himself for emotions that don't make big bucks on the big screen. The tight level of ingrained self control burned into his flesh from countless backlash. The nervousness that worked itself into the pitch of his voice and the placement of his head, the buried shame of a childhood in chain showing itself in this rare time of allowed visible sadness, that would otherwise be covered up like any flaw would be in television.

He continued on, "It took me a while to figure out what we are was different from most people. That not everyone was either in militia groups or fighting against them, and that not every boy likes boys."

He left it there and gave me the air to breath any concern or thought I had into the world of people, but I wasn't ready, so he simply gripped my shoulders and said, "It was The Boys in the Band. The movie that made me realize that."

"Ah," I said into the plane of big ideas and communication. "Menudo. When I was younger. Not realizing it was different, but that I was like that." Saying the word once was already too much for now. I should lie down some if I don't want to shake Janice's house down accidentally. I can't live with anymore innocent blood on my hands. Shatterstar sat down next to my laying form like he had been when we first got here. "How do you live with it? All the blood, the death?"

"I don't have a choice." He looked away and lost the steel to his voice, "I try not to think about it."

"It's all I can think about sometimes. Just the same scene over and over again. I almost did it again."

"But you did not."

"Sometimes I wonder, if I died if that would make up for it. And then I can't stop thinking about it."

Shatterstar looked back at me,"Dying won't change what happened in the past. Not unless you can somehow make yourself not exist in the first place, which we can't," he stressed the we,"You were a child with an accident. There are people who have done much worse on purpose."

'Star clasped my hand closest to him with both of his,"And you are good. You helped save the world multiple times. You help your friends. You make me feel like a whole person.You're a good person."

I looked to the dark brown hands holding my slightly lighter, scarred pair and the mismatched moon and night eyes of the person who owned them that burned with a passion towards goodness that matched a certain somebody we met tonight. "You really love me, don't you?"

"I do," he held my gaze as firmly as my hand.

"Then why don't you lay here with me?" I asked and patted the ground right next to me.

"Codlista." He got up and stepped over me without letting go of my hand with one of his, so that his arm draped over me as he laid down on his side. Having 'Star's weight over me gave me both security and a much needed grounding, I was grateful.

"So, 'Star, come here often?" I asked, testing to see if my usual bravado would make me feel better in this alien situation. I wasn't sure if it was working. 

"You know," he awkwardly shrugged around me and the floor,"A cheetah can't change his spots."

"It's a leopard, 'Star," I laughed at how 'Star will always be 'Star, openly in love with him or not.

"That one isn't fair," he pouted, "Cheetahs have spots also," but he cracks a smile too.

And God I wish I could just stay happy and take this all at face value, but that small part of myself that believes I don't deserve anything is just eating away at me and telling me that it's all fake, and if it's not, then that it soon will be. My laughing dies down and my arms jerk while being under 'Star's hold. He lifts up his arm somewhat and gives me space to just move. This time I know I won't calm down till I manage to find sleep. Shatterstar just hums and traces his thumb over my lips like nothing is wrong. His eyes give me an equal amount of care as his hands. I look down to my flailing body and back to him, with just one question coating my lips,"How can you love somebody like me?"

"You mean someone who's never afraid to speak his mind to anyone at any time? The man who is one of the maybe three beings on this planet who has Mother Nature on speed dial? Or what about the guy who first introduced me to sitcom television?" He stroked my hair again for the second time of both my life and that evening. "You have taught me so much in the short time that we have known each other, Julio, about caring, about friendship, and about loving. All I would like to do is to be able to repay you for your immeasurable gifts to me."

"You aren't just saying that you love me because you think that you have to, are you?" I ask, afraid of the prospect.

"A warrior born does not lie to his allies. It's honorless. I say I love you only because I mean that I love you."

I drag my own jittery jerky traitor hands across 'Star's cheeks and his forehead and his hair, tedious and testy work that has heavenly results. I take in as much as I could, greedy hands and greedy eyes for the soft face of some poor constellation's missing piece. "Mines probably," I have to think, never having felt so complete as when with him. 'Star melting towards my shaky hands, leaning into them like a shadowed plant towards the sun, reminded me to say, "I love you," back to him.

He presses the play button again, and I'm glad to be learning all these different ways of saying I love you, today. "You're so beautiful," Shatterstar says, and a beachy tune starts to play.

"Wouldn't it be nice if we were older  
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long?  
And wouldn't it be nice to live together  
In the kind of world where we belong?"

The euphoria's got me high and I laugh a little while I ask, "So what's this song remind you of about me?"

Shatterstar, my poster boy for solemness, replies,"The future I want to have with you."

"You know it's gonna make it that much better  
When we can say goodnight and stay together"

"Oh," I say, at a loss for words again, and try to listen a little more closely.

"Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up  
In the morning when the day is new?  
And after having spent the day together  
Hold each other close the whole night through?"

I decided to snuggle onto Shatterstar, even if my hands and arms were acting up on me. He turned to lay on his back and held me around my waist. I was also on my back and turned my head so I could hear the sound of Star's heart as a lay there. I felt safe. 'Star kneaded his fingers to my scalp, and I twisted to catch his hands with a kiss.

"Happy times together we've been spending  
I wish that every kiss was never ending  
Oh, wouldn't it be nice?"

"Do you want a peaceful life, 'Star?" I ask, seriously wondering.

"I want a peaceful life," he replies, "But I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had a peaceful life while others were still suffering." 

"I feel the same." Then I kiss his hand again, and he sighs into it. The music plays on.

"Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray  
It might come true (run run ooo)  
Baby, then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do  
We could be married (we could be married)  
And then we'd be happy (and then we'd be happy)  
Oh, wouldn't it be nice?"

"Wouldn't it be something to be married?" I ask bittersweetly.

"Why not? Cable does great work at fake ids and passports. Marriage papers cannot be that hard. I mean, Longshot managed to get married, so someone's willing to do Mojoworlder-Human marriages at least."

I laugh again but decide to file that away for later.

"You know it seems the more we talk about it  
It only makes it worse to live without it  
But let's talk about it  
Oh, wouldn't it be nice?"

Ouch that hurts, so I snuggle more into Shatterstar, and he kisses my hair. "Tell me 'Star, what do you really like about me?" deciding to lighten up the situation.

"Good night, oh baby  
Sleep tight, oh baby  
Good night, oh baby  
Sleep tight, oh baby"

The song finished and 'Star pushed pause again. Neither of us seemed in the mood for sleep.

"Well," Star drawled on in fake thought, "For starters you have a cute butt, I must admit."

"Glad to know I'm just eye candy for you 'Star," I stick my tongue out at him as a joke.

"I have to take a break sometimes, Rictor, from being the handsome one of the team," 'Star said and accomplishing the Olympic level feat of flipping his hair while laying down with me on top of him, with a good 50 lbs. on him thanks to my lack of bird bones.

"Who said you were the handsome one? I mean James is right there," I giggled a little as I said.

"I suppose you’re right."

"It's a shame we're the only gay people on the team," I mused outloud. "I mean, I'm glad that you like me, but it'd be nice to have more people to tell."

"I'm not sure that you are right in your assessment in 'the only' ones, and I'm more 'BC/AD' myself."

"You mean AC/DC?"

"Yeah. Same thing."

"Oh, for real dude?" barely shocked after everything that's already happened today.

'Star's embrace loosened on me as he said,"Yeah," and, after too long of a pause, asked,"Is that acceptable?" much too fast.

"Yeah of course, 'Star. I just didn't know. Eres perfecto."

He started to hug me too tight, again, "Te amo tanto."

"Yo tambien, pero remember that I have to breathe!"

"Lo siento," he said and finally held me at a comfortable level of tightness. "Is that okay?"

"It's great, 'Star. Only, I'm too antsy to lie down anymore."

"That's perfect for the last song I have prepared for you. Here, may I lift you?" 'Star asked, holding his hands together across my chest.

"I mean you could. But so could I and wouldn't that be more fun?"

"It would be interesting to see how this works at our particular position. Continue."

"Okay, don't let go." I sat the two of us up, dragged my legs to the side, and slowly stood up, dragging Shatterstar along with me. "Ha," I laughed.

"I knew you could do it!"

"It was nothing. You weigh like a small bunch of feathers."

'Star pecked a kiss at the top of my head because he was absolutely too tall to reach anything else at an angle like this, "Can you spin around so we could dance?"

I started to turn around to face Shatterstar,"I thought you didn't like dancing?"

'Star held me around the waist then, "I love it. I just don't love bright lights, too loud music, and crowds all together."

"A Mojoworld thing?" I asked while trying to figure out if my arms were calm enough to hold 'Star back or do anything more complicated than sway; my head jerked to the side at the thought, but my hands were now doing better than it.

"Mhm," 'Star answered and pushed the play button for the last time of the night. This song sounded almost familiar, as if I had caught it on the radio as a child a few times between now and then, very melodic.

"Querida," it started softly and warmly and continued. "Cada momento de mi vida  
Yo pienso en ti más cada diá  
Mira mi soledad, mira mi soledad  
Que no me sienta nada bien, oh ven ya"

Shatterstar, seeing that my arms were still acting up, did choose to sway with me. My body felt slack and weightless, a leaf dancing in the wind,being dragged around by the carefreeness of life. 

"Querida  
No me ha sanado bien la herida  
Te extraño y lloro todavía  
Mira mi soledad, mira mi soledad  
Que no me sienta nada bien, oh ven ya"

I couldn't tell if this song had reminded Shatterstar of myself to him or what it was that he felt towards me, but, either way, it's talk of being so lonely without one person and everyday with them being better for it, spoke to me. I self isolate too much. I know that, and I choose to do it, but it still hurts. If only I had someone who saw that my avoidance had left me in a crushing void and didn't let me rot there alone. I hoped that this could be that for me.

"Querida  
Piensa en mi sólo un momento y ven  
Date cuenta de que el tiempo es cruel  
Y lo he pasado yo sin ti, oh ven ya"

'Star stopped swaying to hug me and rubbed his head on top of mine. His hair ended up tickling my nose, and it made me laugh.

"'Star," I said with a smile, and nudged him back to our modified dance.

"Querida,  
Hazlo por quien mas quieras tu  
Yo quiero ver de nuevo luz  
En toda mi casa"

This tent was as good a home as any, because we were here, and we were safe. I've moved around enough to know that home was just where the people who love you are, anyways. The moonlight coming through the thin tent and the glow off of 'Star's eyes was more than enough light for me; it was perfect.

"Oh oh Querida,  
Ven a mi que estoy sufriendo  
Ven a mi que estoy muriendo  
En esta soledad  
En esta soledad  
Que no me sienta nada bien....ven"

'Star's face stiffened and slightly cringed on this part, starting with 'sufriendo' and most at 'muriendo' and it's then that I remember the words he'd spoken to me what had seemed so long ago,'I thought it would allow us to communicate if necessary, in ways that others would not understand…when the topics of conversation are of a personal nature,' and maybe 'Star felt a more emotional attachment to Spanish and allowed himself to use it for things he wouldn't admit in English, because he learned it for us and to be able to speak to me more personally.

"Querida,  
Por lo que quieras tu mas ven  
Mas compasion de mi tu ten  
Mira mi soledad  
Mira mi soledad  
Que no me sienta nada bien"

I went up on my tip toes trying to give the man who'd done all this for me, and I bet was willing to do almost anything for, just as I would for him, a simple but long awaited kiss. 

He hesitated, looking down at me timidly. My heart quaked, and he closed the difference between us as the chorus continued to play in the backdrop of our shared vulnerability.

"Querida,"

He crumbled his hands in my hair, and I was leaning up into him as much as I physically possibly could.

"Querida,"

We parted, staring wide eyed and dazed out, and I started to laugh which prompted a confused but content smile from Shatty.

The music had picked up tempo, and kissing 'Star shorted out the thing that short circuits my brain, so that it was just a twitchy smile on my face and eyes that kept going off into nowhere instead of dead arms, so I took to leading the dance and showed my love the right way to move his feet.

"Dime cuando tu  
Dime cuando tu  
Dime cuando tu vas a volver ajai  
Dime cuando tu  
Dime cuando tu  
Dime cuando tu vas a volver"

As Juan Gabriel was holding his notes, I held 'Star's gaze and told him,"No matter where we are or where we go. Different sides of the multiverse or side by side, I will always be with you, and you will always be my home."

"Rictor, it is the same for me as well. You have my uemeur, and you always will."

"Querida.....eje,

Querida,"

We danced. 'Star learned the steps quick enough, and I felt giddy about leading him around the tent in our own privacy.

"Dime cuando tu  
Dime cuando tu  
Dime cuando tu vas a volver ajai  
Dime cuando tu  
Dime cuando tu  
Dime cuando tu vas a volver"

We danced on and on, with only us and the filtered moonlight. I felt perfect as what and who I was, at least in that moment; none of that other stuff mattered, and I was truly happy.

"Aja aja tu, ven a mi soledad...tu"

I wouldn't have to be alone with myself anymore.

"Yo no puedo ni me quiero olvidar ahu"

And even when I am alone, I'll never really be alone.

"Dime cuando tu... hey tu

Dime cuando tu... hey tu"

I melted into 'Star's arms, near exhausted by the emotional and physical labor of the day, but God was I happy and gay.

Shatterstar played with the hair that had lost its way onto my face, and put them back in their home again. Home, just like I was at.

I kissed him again.  
\---  
Extras--  
Cut Scenes

"I thought we were already dating for months before I heard you complaining about being single 2 weeks ago."

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't know that much about 90's Ghost Rider, his part may have been confusing, but basically that Ghost Rider is the spirit of a human man from the 1700s and he and his wife were both killed because they were in an interracial relationship. This story was also written by a gay Puerto Rican man, Ivan Velez Jr., and he really put the horror of suffering for who you love in it.


End file.
